Poor 2010

I hate to say it, but 90% of the people I've talked to are HAPPY that 2010 is about over. 2010 has gotten quite the bad wrap! There have been SO many trials or heartbreaks this past year, that most of us are excited to change that calendar over:

- Back mishap in April (on my birthday) that caused intense pain for 6 weeks.....

- Playing Volleyball in July and snapped my Achilles Tendon which has lead to 5 months of Physical Therapy and pain..... NO sports for another 8 months (mandated by Dr)

-Lost 3 grandparents this year

-Rough and awkward work situation with bosses that makes me look forward to May....

-Adam's dad fell off a ladder and broke his back (through miracles he WASN'T paralyzed)

-SEVERAL loved ones are getting divorces, which entails tons of changes and heartbreaks....

-The ever present fertility issue just gets more and more complicated. Now there is another surgery needed before we can even think of starting in-vitro.....

As you can see, it's been a memorable year :) I've pondered this past 12 months and I can see the hardships that have been present, but every step of the way I can also see the blessings. I struggled SO much with my leg being out of commission for so many months, but having my sweet hubby, parents, siblings, and friends there to help me along the way has really made me feel SO loved! With the passing of loved ones, I've been able to look at and be grateful for the eternal perspective we have... The knowledge that our Heavenly Father and Savior are there for us, is truly priceless. As I've been praying heavily the past 6 weeks to forgive others, I've been able to grow in my appreciation of a loving Heavenly Father..... I know this is all temporary, but he continues to listen to my prayers and tears and comfort me. And through all this other chaos, he has whispered to us repeatedly that we will one day have children in our home. Having the patience to not know when this will happen, is another area of growth, but no matter how many times we ask, he comforts us.... This past week we celebrated our 5th anniversary and I continue to be amazed that he is my husband. How can a girl be so lucky? He is one of the greatest blessings in my life and I appreciate that the Lord has us together to get through all this craziness we call life.

So, I hope you all have a fantastic New Year's celebration and an even better 2011! May we all continue to grow and survive that growth :)

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all! I love this time of year. I really can't believe it's come around again, but it truly makes me feel like a kid again. I love the traditions, the music, and the peacefulness that comes with this wonderful holiday. My favorite part is that we can finally stop and think of the birth and life of our Savior Jesus Christ. His life and love of us hits me every day in a multitude of different ways, but this time of year it seems to overwhelm me at times.....

I loved this section of a talk that was given by President Monson: "Brothers and sisters, this joyful season brings to all of us a measure of happiness that corresponds to the degree to which we have turned our minds, feelings, and actions to the Savior, whose birth we celebrate.

There is no better time than now, this very Christmas season, for all of us to rededicate ourselves to the principles taught by Jesus the Christ. Let it be a time that lights the eyes of children and puts laughter on their lips. Let it be a time for lifting the lives of those who live in loneliness. Let it be a time for calling our families together, for feeling a closeness to those who are near to us and a closeness also to those who are absent.

Let it be a time of prayers for peace, for the preservation of free principles, and for the protection of those who are far from us. Let it be a time of forgetting self and finding time for others. Let it be a time for discarding the meaningless and for stressing the true values. Let it be a time of peace because we have found peace in His teachings.

Most of all, let it be a time to remember the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ, that we may share in the song of the angels, the gladness of the shepherds, and the worship of the Wise Men."

I'm so grateful for our Heavenly Father and his Son. Merry Christmas everyone! Thank you all for being such great people. We are so lucky to have such wonderful people we are related to and have been able to meet such great friends. Wonderful blessings.....

Whirlwind

Whirlwind is kind of an understatement. We've been ALL over the countryside the past couple of weeks having a ton of fun, but the blog has been neglected :) (Come to think of it, so has our house.... NO Christmas decorations are up yet.... HOPEFULLY tomorrow for Family Home Evening...)

To start everything off, we had a fantastic Thanksgiving at my parent's house in Nevada. The food was great and the warm 70 degree temperature was just right :) Unfortunately I had a terrible meeting right before the break, and I spent too much time crying over the long weekend. It has been a huge struggle for me to forgive some of the awful things that were said, but I've been able to pray a ton and see a few miracles come out of all this. Not what I had in mind when I prayed for 'growth' :)

After talking with a few people when we came back, I was able to clear up a few things and head out on our next adventure with a little less weight on my shoulders. For our 5th anniversary, we had talked about checking another item off of our 'Bucket List'. Going to a professional football game was that exciting item. Then we found out that a few cousins/best friends were going around the same time and that sounded even better! So, we headed down to Phoenix and watched the Cardinals play the Rams. Honestly, I was like a child on Christmas morning. I had never been to a professional game before and I was pleasantly surprised that it was almost like a carnival! SO much was going on at all times, that I would sometimes forget to watch the game :) Unfortunately I forgot the camera, but Scott and Deanna took a few and I'll post some of those when they catch up to the curve ball life has thrown at them recently.....

We rolled home late Monday night and have been slaving away ever since with 2 Christmas parties, Adam working until 10:00 a few nights and juggling Tithing Settlement, and ward conference thrown in there as well (Now you might be able to see why the Christmas deco hasn't made it up yet :) Like I said, 'Whirlwind'. With all of the craziness, we've felt a bit overwhelmed, but then we've been able to find small snatches of time together that have been priceless. Driving the 18 hour round trip from Phoenix or even driving down to Eden for Adam's Christmas party, has helped me 'recharge my Adam battery' :) Those little moments of stolen time are what keep us afloat. I'm so grateful to our Heavenly Father for this guy. Seriously, one amazing kid, and I appreciate his love and support through all the trials that get thrown at us. This past year has been difficult with all the health problems and trials, but Adam has always been so strong. Let's hope 2011 isn't as crazy :)

Timing

I have these fun, light hearted blogs planned in my head, and then life happens and those posts get bumped. So I'm sorry if my blog has turned into a 'heavy' read :) However, my head has been swimming lately with the concept of timing.... You really start to feel like plans are crusin' along and then 'BAM' a road block come up. You feel like it's the biggest inconvenience ever, but once you make it around the new impediment, you see why it had to happen as it did (frustrating, right?)
When I was 20 or so, through a series of spiritual events, I decided to go on a mission for our church. The timing of that ended up being perfect and I was super excited to head over to Spain. While there, everyday things worked completely on the timing of other people's choices. After many frustrating and awesome experiences, I got home. I thought I had this timing thing figured out.
Then it took me a little while to find my amazing best-friend and marry him. Again. Timing. At the time, I couldn't figure out why I hadn't found him yet and what the meaning of it all was. But as I look back at the timeline of our lives, I could see why Heavenly Father had allowed me to work and wait awhile.
Soon after, we were married. And, even now 5 years later, we wait for those kids to join us. We continue the endless cycle to dr's offices and figuring out the correct times of the month. I don't understand this trial yet, but I do have confidence the Lord hasn't deserted us. I do know that he has a plan (even if I forget that at times and have a good cry :)
Now we have another thing to wait on. We had started to look into buying a house. We have the loan and mortgage figured out and we were about to start doing walk throughs and tours. A couple of days ago we were called into the Stake President's office and Adam was asked to serve as the 1st counselor in the Bishopric of our Family Ward..... So, guess what else will be waiting for a while? :) While we were talking with the Stake President, we both felt a huge confirmation that the housing plans should be put on hold for a while....
I sometimes think the Lord gets a good chuckle. I might have quoted this before, but there's a Hebrew phrase that says, "If you want to see the Lord laugh, tell him your plans." So true, right? I do know everything in life has an order to it. I do know there are blessings associated to each sacrifice and the willingness to serve. Sometimes I wonder why we have to do so much bumbling around, but I guess that just helps us learn more.

2 Weekends and a Funeral

October started out with a bang and HASN'T STOPPED YET. We have been running EVERYWHERE. The first week, I had Parent/Teacher Conferences crammed into 3 days (that's 30 meetings people!) and then we headed off to sunny Albuquerque, NM for the weekend. I truly love going down to New Mexico. I always find something new and different there (PLUS it's warm :). We were able to enjoy a couple of care free days down there with Adam's dad and step-mom (Thanks guys!)

But when we were driving home, real life came crashing back. On the drive home, my mom called to let me know that her father had just passed away. We had been given a little warning, so I able to talk with him on Friday (Hardest. Conversation. Ever. How do you end that phone call?....) I truly love that man, so it was hard to imagine him passing on..... He's struggled with health problems for so long, that I just assumed he would always be around (even if diabetes had made him blind, caused his kidneys to fail, and led to heart problems....). But, he has been able to join his mom and dad, who've already passed, and I KNOW he is happier there without all the struggles his body has given him.

So, we got home from New Mexico, packed up again a couple days later, and headed up to Lovell, Wyoming. LOTS of car-time, but it was a beautiful ceremony and it was GREAT to see some family members I haven't seen in 8-9 years (Averett's don't keep in touch very well....)The week before, Grandpa had set up for us to go fishing with one of his Best Friends, so we even spent Saturday fishing in his memory :) Needless to say, we have had some crazy weekends, but we're glad we were able to see so many family members.

The Grand Canyon

As mentioned in previous posts, Adam and I LOVE to travel. It's in our very blood and has led to many wonderful and amazing adventures in the past 5 years. Adam was feeling a little anxious to hit the open road over Labor Day weekend so we looked at our Bucket List and found something that was within our price range. The Grand Canyon was the lucky winner :) I was a little nervous because of my walking boot, but there were still plenty of trails and sights for me to hobble around to.

A big bug that welcomed us. I have NEVER seen a beetle this big!




Complete bliss





Our view while eating lunch. Amazing, right?




Livin' on the edge




Cutsie couple shot :)











I LOVED this adventure and I'm SO grateful for our get-away. This summer wasn't full of fun traveling like some in the past, so it felt refreshing to sneak in a quick trip. We also want to send out a HUGE thanks to my sister's In-laws the Stouts. They were amazing and let us stay with them while we were traveling around. A perfect end to 'One Crazy Summer' :)

Baby Thoughts

I've tried to analyze myself these past several years, but I've never been able to figure out why Autumn is the season that hits me the hardest. I will cruise right through all of the other seasons, but when September/October comes around, I start to ache incredibly for children. We haven't wanted to complain or rail against the heavens for this trial, but sometimes I want to say, "This sucks. No, I don't know how this will turn out." We do look to our Heavenly Father a lot on this subject, but the ache doesn't completely go away....

My good friend Cally recently sent me a newspaper article that perfectly worded how this gut-wrenching trial feels. It is an article written by Laura Bush (which I hadn't known beforehand that they had dealt with infertility). She says, "The calendar advanced, and there was no baby. The English language lacks the words 'to mourn an absence.' For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child, or friend we have all manner of words and praises, some helpful, some not. Still, we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only 'I am sorry for your loss.' But for the absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent, ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?"

As I read this article, I finally felt like someone had ripped the words from my heart and laid them out for the world to see.... THIS was what I have felt while crying in the dark hours of night. THIS is the description I wish I could give to people when they ask how I'm doing....

Yes, I know people say I will long for these quiet times when I'll have a crying baby in my arms, or that I should enjoy the time I have. I kind of cringe when I hear this. I wonder how they picture my life? Adam and I DEFINITELY don't lay around crying all day. We travel around the world. We go on dates. We laugh. We play. But at the end of the day we don't have a little one to carry on our name or a little body to snuggle with that tells us they love us. THOSE are the moments we ache for. THOSE are the moments that make it hard to swallow the pain. This is why we pray for God's help...
(PS. I REALLY hesitated posting this.... It's so raw...)