Timing

I have these fun, light hearted blogs planned in my head, and then life happens and those posts get bumped. So I'm sorry if my blog has turned into a 'heavy' read :) However, my head has been swimming lately with the concept of timing.... You really start to feel like plans are crusin' along and then 'BAM' a road block come up. You feel like it's the biggest inconvenience ever, but once you make it around the new impediment, you see why it had to happen as it did (frustrating, right?)
When I was 20 or so, through a series of spiritual events, I decided to go on a mission for our church. The timing of that ended up being perfect and I was super excited to head over to Spain. While there, everyday things worked completely on the timing of other people's choices. After many frustrating and awesome experiences, I got home. I thought I had this timing thing figured out.
Then it took me a little while to find my amazing best-friend and marry him. Again. Timing. At the time, I couldn't figure out why I hadn't found him yet and what the meaning of it all was. But as I look back at the timeline of our lives, I could see why Heavenly Father had allowed me to work and wait awhile.
Soon after, we were married. And, even now 5 years later, we wait for those kids to join us. We continue the endless cycle to dr's offices and figuring out the correct times of the month. I don't understand this trial yet, but I do have confidence the Lord hasn't deserted us. I do know that he has a plan (even if I forget that at times and have a good cry :)
Now we have another thing to wait on. We had started to look into buying a house. We have the loan and mortgage figured out and we were about to start doing walk throughs and tours. A couple of days ago we were called into the Stake President's office and Adam was asked to serve as the 1st counselor in the Bishopric of our Family Ward..... So, guess what else will be waiting for a while? :) While we were talking with the Stake President, we both felt a huge confirmation that the housing plans should be put on hold for a while....
I sometimes think the Lord gets a good chuckle. I might have quoted this before, but there's a Hebrew phrase that says, "If you want to see the Lord laugh, tell him your plans." So true, right? I do know everything in life has an order to it. I do know there are blessings associated to each sacrifice and the willingness to serve. Sometimes I wonder why we have to do so much bumbling around, but I guess that just helps us learn more.

2 Weekends and a Funeral

October started out with a bang and HASN'T STOPPED YET. We have been running EVERYWHERE. The first week, I had Parent/Teacher Conferences crammed into 3 days (that's 30 meetings people!) and then we headed off to sunny Albuquerque, NM for the weekend. I truly love going down to New Mexico. I always find something new and different there (PLUS it's warm :). We were able to enjoy a couple of care free days down there with Adam's dad and step-mom (Thanks guys!)

But when we were driving home, real life came crashing back. On the drive home, my mom called to let me know that her father had just passed away. We had been given a little warning, so I able to talk with him on Friday (Hardest. Conversation. Ever. How do you end that phone call?....) I truly love that man, so it was hard to imagine him passing on..... He's struggled with health problems for so long, that I just assumed he would always be around (even if diabetes had made him blind, caused his kidneys to fail, and led to heart problems....). But, he has been able to join his mom and dad, who've already passed, and I KNOW he is happier there without all the struggles his body has given him.

So, we got home from New Mexico, packed up again a couple days later, and headed up to Lovell, Wyoming. LOTS of car-time, but it was a beautiful ceremony and it was GREAT to see some family members I haven't seen in 8-9 years (Averett's don't keep in touch very well....)The week before, Grandpa had set up for us to go fishing with one of his Best Friends, so we even spent Saturday fishing in his memory :) Needless to say, we have had some crazy weekends, but we're glad we were able to see so many family members.

The Grand Canyon

As mentioned in previous posts, Adam and I LOVE to travel. It's in our very blood and has led to many wonderful and amazing adventures in the past 5 years. Adam was feeling a little anxious to hit the open road over Labor Day weekend so we looked at our Bucket List and found something that was within our price range. The Grand Canyon was the lucky winner :) I was a little nervous because of my walking boot, but there were still plenty of trails and sights for me to hobble around to.

A big bug that welcomed us. I have NEVER seen a beetle this big!




Complete bliss





Our view while eating lunch. Amazing, right?




Livin' on the edge




Cutsie couple shot :)











I LOVED this adventure and I'm SO grateful for our get-away. This summer wasn't full of fun traveling like some in the past, so it felt refreshing to sneak in a quick trip. We also want to send out a HUGE thanks to my sister's In-laws the Stouts. They were amazing and let us stay with them while we were traveling around. A perfect end to 'One Crazy Summer' :)

Baby Thoughts

I've tried to analyze myself these past several years, but I've never been able to figure out why Autumn is the season that hits me the hardest. I will cruise right through all of the other seasons, but when September/October comes around, I start to ache incredibly for children. We haven't wanted to complain or rail against the heavens for this trial, but sometimes I want to say, "This sucks. No, I don't know how this will turn out." We do look to our Heavenly Father a lot on this subject, but the ache doesn't completely go away....

My good friend Cally recently sent me a newspaper article that perfectly worded how this gut-wrenching trial feels. It is an article written by Laura Bush (which I hadn't known beforehand that they had dealt with infertility). She says, "The calendar advanced, and there was no baby. The English language lacks the words 'to mourn an absence.' For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child, or friend we have all manner of words and praises, some helpful, some not. Still, we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only 'I am sorry for your loss.' But for the absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent, ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?"

As I read this article, I finally felt like someone had ripped the words from my heart and laid them out for the world to see.... THIS was what I have felt while crying in the dark hours of night. THIS is the description I wish I could give to people when they ask how I'm doing....

Yes, I know people say I will long for these quiet times when I'll have a crying baby in my arms, or that I should enjoy the time I have. I kind of cringe when I hear this. I wonder how they picture my life? Adam and I DEFINITELY don't lay around crying all day. We travel around the world. We go on dates. We laugh. We play. But at the end of the day we don't have a little one to carry on our name or a little body to snuggle with that tells us they love us. THOSE are the moments we ache for. THOSE are the moments that make it hard to swallow the pain. This is why we pray for God's help...
(PS. I REALLY hesitated posting this.... It's so raw...)

New Chapters

A lot of 'new' things and firsts are happening around here.

1. I am now off of crutches! Yeah!!!! HATE those things. But now there is more pressure on the injured leg, so it hurts more after those long days of school :(

2. Adam's job is off and running. He finished his first full month there and he's really enjoying it. He now has clients (which makes him one happy camper) and he is really getting into the groove of the company.

3. I took my first steps without my boot this week. I honestly feel like a 1 year old again (or maybe Bambi on ice :), but it's the little things that make you happy. Steps (unassisted) are a big deal around here.

4. Adam had his first school year in 4 years where he wasn't drug to an elementary school for long hours of helping me :) I had some absolutely AMAZING friends come through for me to assist with the set up. Adam was working LONG hours and I had crutches, so my angels from above stepped in and made a miracle happen.

5. I had my first day of school.... Gulp... I know it's my 4th year of teaching, but honestly I get nervous EVERY year. I get so anxious with meeting parents, figuring out the little personalities of my students, and then making sure it all runs smoothly. And THIS year had the leg pain added in, so I was pretty anxious. We are still in the 'Honeymoon' stage of the school year, but this class is going to be really great. A lot of funny and sweet kids.

6. For the first year since we've been married, we didn't get to go the the beach or have a travel crazy summer. I have mixed emotions on this one, but it makes me think of other possibilities now... For instance, my amazing cousin Kalee is now in Belgium playing professional basketball, and who WOULDN'T want to drop in on her?

7. This past little while is the first time in over 3 years that I haven't been through a crazy emotional rollercoaster every month when we find out we're not pregnant. In-vitro will be stinking expensive and I know it sounds weird, but it's been great to have that weight off my shoulders the past little while. All the 'what-ifs' and 'should I be doing more' are gone. Now we've got to get the money....

It's been pretty crazy around here with Physical Therapy appointments scheduled around our work days, and life crammed in around all of that. But we're doing pretty dang good. Life is a blessing. I ran into one of my all-time favorite quotes today. It always makes me happy - "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." Eleanor Roosevelt. All I can say is "Amen, Eleanor." :)

Adam's Big Day

He turned the big 2 9!!! I know it's stupid, but I was glad to have him join me in this age I've been at for the past couple of months. Unfortunately he had to work that day, but he was able to take off half of the next day and go golfing and enjoy himself. I love that everything he wanted was toys :) A kid at heart for sure.



Adam has been my best friend for so long, that I forget how I made it through the first 24 years of my life without him. He is an amazing man and truly the best thing that has ever happened to me. He has really earned this good name the past month or so with having to deal with a 'crippled' wife. He is one patient guy and I love him dearly.

4th of July mayhem

It all started with Volleyball.... Doesn't most of lifes crazy, hairy raising adventures start with sports or outdoor activities of some kind? I'm starting to feel that way.... (Check out the bruising in this pic!)

We were in glorious Nevada for the 4th of July weekend and we had been enjoying ourselves immensely. Swimming, paintball, and playing cards had been occupying our time up until Saturday when the town festivities were scheduled. I was really excited to play in the volleyball tournament that was set up and I was REALLY excited for the team we had lined up. All family and good friends, so I was looking forward to a day full of volleyball. Well, apparently I'm not as young as I thought I was.... We were playing some fast paced, hard games and I was wearing out :) I told myself to buck-up and quit being a pansy, but 3 hours into this shin-dig and I wanted to just lay down :) We were on the last point of our 6th game when I apparently reached the end of my rope... I headed up to the net in a totally normal move (to cover our hitter), when I felt a huge "SNAP!" It felt like somebody and thrown a brick at my ankle.... I was really confused that somebody would throw something at the court during a volleyball game and I started to look around. Then the pain hit.... I couldn't support my weight anymore with my left leg, so I collapsed to the floor. Holy crap it hurt! After they carried me off the court, I was given rough news when an EMT told me it was probably my Achilles Tendon and we should head to the E.R.

Good bye wonderful 4th of July weekend! We wrapped up the useless ankle and headed on over to St. George. The E.R. visit was only about 45 min (amazing, right?) and they said, "The Achilles was torn at least 90%"... What?! I think I freaked the Doc out when I started to cry with the news that it would be a 4 month recovery.... He told us to find an Orthopedic Surgeon in Logan when we got home and to get in ASAP. I was able to get into the dr. 3 days later and surgery was then scheduled for the following day. I've NEVER been under the knife, so this was a point of anxiety. I made it through and I've been able to start down the road to recovery with the help of an amazing husband, friends, and family (thanks mom for coming up for a week! :). I'll progress from my hard cast through a soft cast (still with crutches :( and make my way to a walking boot and Physical Therapy.

The roughest part for me has been the stupid crutches. EVERYTHING is SO much harder. It's a trial in patience, for sure :) I HATE asking for help, so I feel like a little princess when I ask for a drink of water or for something that's upstairs.... On another sad note, I couldn't teach Summer School, so I couldn't make the money that would be my ticket to my Ireland/England trip that was planned this September... A couple of tough pills to swallow, but honestly I'm doing really well. Some days I wonder if I can make it out of the house, but I've had so much great help from my wonderful mother and family, and some amazing friends that the time has gone quickly. Can I send a shout out to my SUPER patient husband? He has REALLY spoiled me these past couple of weeks, and I SERIOUSLY don't know what I would've done without him :) The logistics of keeping a house clean with laundry to be done, trying to shower with this huge cast, and feeding me regularly has really put a load on him as he carries a full-time job. Oh, I LOVE him..... I SO don't want to go through this again, but I have been able to see many great blessings that have come from this trial. Needless to say, it's been an interesting experience :)